The Unbalanced Breakfast with Joee Adams
Here is the least accurate, yet most factual autobiography that I could put together.
Name: Joseph-Earl Henry Adams (Never call me Joseph, though. You’re not my Grandma)
Education: Not much. Actually no; I’ve spent quite a lot of time in school. I’ve got a background in Journalism and Entrepreneurial Business Management which you would think would have come in handy for a guy that wanted to be writer. Turns out I’m a piss poor writer, so it didn’t work out. On the upside though, I have impeccable grammar and I’m an absolute wizard on an Excel Spreadsheet. Yay Education!
Guilty Pleasure: Exploiting other people’s guilty pleasures.
Claim to Fame: Chicks dig me. Because I rarely wear underwear and when I do it’s usually something unusual. I’m also pretty good at reciting Bill Murray quotes and claiming them as my own.
Dream Job: Being a Morning Show Host (that’s my generic answer). My real answer would be whatever the hell Kim Kardashian does, because she seems to be very rich and does absolutely nothing but be pretty and sleep with famous people.
Proudest Moment: I usually hate bringing this up but for the sake of employment; a few years back a friend and I actually managed to play a part in saving a mother and her two daughters from drowning at Blooming Point Beach. Afterwards, my Dad said he was proud of me for doing the right thing and gave me the whole “not all heroes wear capes” speech. That one hit me right in the feels.
A close second would be not entirely pooping my pants the first time I went live in front of the microphone.
Favourite Leisure Activity: Filling out questionnaires.
Pets?: Yes. Two cats (Corona and Tilla Tequila.) I’ll also take all the dogs, please.
Things I’ve done that no one would guess I’ve done to look at me: Been laid.
Words to Live By: “Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow! What a Ride!” Drive fast on empty streets. With nothing in mind except falling in love and not getting arrested.” Dr. Hunter S. Thompson